A confession that will enrage all wives from a serial seductress
According to a new study, single women find married men much more attractive than their unattached counterparts. Here, Amanda Parkin, a 48-year-old lecturer from Bexley, Kent, reveals why she’d never fall for an unmarried man...
Seducer: Amanda would much rather be a mistress than a wife
Seducer: Amanda would much rather be a mistress than a wife
A few days before Christmas, I went on a date with my lover Peter, a 52-year-old businessman and a lovely, kind, generous man.
We enjoyed a romantic dinner and talked about our plans for Christmas over a bottle of wine. I was thrilled when Peter presented me with a gift: a beautiful pair of diamond earrings.
That night we curled up in bed together like any other happy couple. But the following morning, I woke up to an empty bed, as Peter had slipped away in the early hours to make the two-hour drive back home to help his wife wrap their children’s presents and prepare their stockings.
Meanwhile, I settled down to watch a film, perfectly content to spend Christmas alone.
Of course, there will be many women who will ask how I can possibly feel happy playing second fiddle to a wife and children on such a special day of the year — or in fact on any day of the year.
But the way I see it, being a mistress brings me all the benefits of a relationship without any of the hassle or aggravation that comes with being a nagging wife (which, let’s face it, happens to the best of us).
I love being a mistress and, as long as the wives don’t find out, I intend to stay one for as long as I enjoy it. In fact, I think more women should try it.
So I for one wasn’t surprised to hear last week about new research on ‘mate-poaching’ which says when deciding if someone is attractive, we take our cue from others. The study discovered that single women find married men attractive because, in being married, they have been given the ‘stamp of approval’ by another woman.
I’ve always found married men more attractive than their single counterparts. They’re better lovers, more attentive, more mature, and they know exactly what they want from a relationship.
Peter has been happily married for 25 years so he’s obviously doing something right. He clearly dotes on his children and his eyes light up when he talks about them. He doesn’t talk that much about his wife to me but I see in him a kind-hearted, loving man who provides for his family, and what’s not to like about thats?
It makes a man hugely attractive to see how much he loves his family.
But for me, it’s not just about the seal of approval from someone else. I’m approaching 50, but I’ve never felt sexier or more confident because of the attention lavished on me by my married lover.
'He doesn't talk much about his wife to me but I see in him a kind-hearted, loving man who provides for his family, and what's not to like about that?'
Were I to date someone single and settle down, I’d be quickly back into the humdrum tedium of a long-term relationship.
I don’t want to be the harridan at home moaning about taking the bins out, not having enough money to pay the bills and walking around with a face pack on.
Why should I when instead I can be the mysterious lover being treated to romantic dinners and expensive jewellery?
Women might hate me, but it wasn’t like I set out to become the other woman. I was brought up in a respectable middle-class household and I truly believed in the institution of marriage.
My own parents were devoted to one another and stayed happily married for more than 40 years until my mother’s death eight years ago.
I was just 22 when I married my first husband Edward, a printer, and like many women I genuinely thought we’d be together for ever.
But it wasn’t to be. The marriage started to crumble after a few years and, no matter how hard I tried to make it work, the spark had gone. Looking back, I think I married too young and I outgrew my husband both emotionally and mentally.
After the birth of our children James, now 23, and Sarah, 19, our sex life became stale and boring. I stopped making an effort with my appearance too and I felt unattractive and frumpy. Plus, if I’m honest, I no longer found Edward attractive after he ballooned to 22st.
The sex was regimented, his idea of foreplay was to have a shower and beckon me to bed. My stomach used to crawl and it was truly a case of lying back and thinking of England.
I wasn’t ready for a life of celibacy, so I decided to have an affair.
Some people might find this hard to understand but the first time I cheated on Edward I didn’t feel even a pang of guilt.
Somehow I’d even convinced myself that perhaps an affair could actually keep my marriage together. Perhaps if I was satisfied outside the marriage, I would have no desire to leave it?
Illicit liaisons: Amanda only dates men interested in extra-marital affairs (posed by models)
Illicit liaisons: Amanda only dates men interested in extra-marital affairs (posed by models)
The first affair was with a friend of Edward’s. It may have lasted only a few short months, but by then it was too late, the spark inside me had been spectacularly reignited.
The next was even closer to home, Edward’s older brother, Simon. It was foolish, but the feeling of being desired again was addictive. I realised then, being a mistress suited me perfectly. I knew I had to leave Edward.
Since then, married men are the ones I have targeted. They’ve all been respectable — accountants, lawyers, a paramedic — but they’ve been exciting liaisons nonetheless. Usually I meet them online, using websites that specialise in extra-marital relationships such as illicitencounters.com.
What’s fantastic about these sites is that you’re able to meet men who only want affairs, not relationships. And that suited my lifestyle more.
Without having a man to worrying about, I have plenty of free time for my children, my job and my social life, yet I still feel desirable.
People assume that affairs are just about sex, but I take time to get to know the men I date and I would never have a one-night stand.
I’m choosy and I like men to be well groomed and immaculately dressed. Most of them are perfect gentlemen and insist on paying for dinner and showering me with gifts, flowers and chocolates.
I know some women will think I’m a predator, out simply to snare their husbands, but I don’t see it that way. I have firm rules.
First, I date only men who live far away, and, second, I would never go near a friend’s husband.
As for feeling guilty about the other woman in his life, as far as I’m concerned that’s an emotion reserved only for the one who is betraying her.
I never let myself become too emotionally involved with married men. I’ll admit that I’m very fond of Peter — he’s met my children and he even attended my son’s wedding last October, telling his wife he was away on a business trip — and my family know I date only married men.
But if I felt that I was falling in love with Peter I wouldn’t hesitate to end the relationship. It’s not worth the heartache.
I’m sure there are plenty of mistresses out there who are clinging on to the hope that one day their lover will leave his wife. I’m not one of those women. I’m in control of the situation and I choose to be a mistress.
Perhaps one day I will long to settle down, but at the moment I have no desire for the compromise that comes with a long-term relationship.
For now, I’m perfectly content and my friends and family are accepting. It’s a simple, uncomplicated existence and that’s the way I’d like it to stay.
That survey was right, why would I have a single man when I can have someone else’s husband? My set-up may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but it works for me
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